Hellos people (: i'm bac aft so many days.
didn't really wanted to blog, feel like lettin my blog to rot instead.
But i needed a place to vent out all my saddness & thoughts.

Love between Lewis & Xueli has ended.

Because of certain reasons we couldn't be together.

this post i'm gonna post is dedicated to you, Lewis.

Though i couldn't bear to let you go, but i know there's nothinq i could do to hold you bac.
you've already make up ur mind, make up a decision.
i know no matter wad i say or do, u will still leave.

The day when you asked me for my heart, i didn't gave you an answer immediately.
because i'm afraid, so afraid that you'll hurt me like wad others did.
until i trusted that you won't hurt me & gave you my heart but i realised that i was wrong b'cus in e end, you still broke my precious heart.
WHY?
why must you leave me wen finally im ready to accept someone & wanted to start a serious relationship with?

when the first time we hugged, i felt so blessed in ur arms.
i feel so fang xin to leave myself to u, but yet im wrong, totally wrong.
you still break my precious heart.
why?
in this relationship of ours, i know we'r bound to meet hell lots of problems.
but im prepared to overcome everything with you.
but why must you gave up half-way?
if that's the case, why started this relationship with me in the first place?
WHY WHY WHY??

many told me u'r not worth my love.
but i didn't listen to them, cus e decision is still mine.
e reasons u gave for e break up was like u gonna leave for hong kong to work soon & u dun knw when will u be coming bac.
u dun wans to waste my time b'cus u gonna leave sooner or later.
but dun you jus cherish the leftover time that we have now?
i've asked u many times not to leave but i know u've already made up ur mind, u will still leave.
this were the reasons u gave, & i respected it.

u promised to buy presents for my birthday, promised to celebrate that day with me de.
& i want you to celebrate my b'dae with me before you leave.
u said we gonna shop for ur new car together & i want to shop for car with you too.
i misses car rides with you.
i always enjoy sitting in ur car, enjoy the times chatting with you in the car.
i'm used to chatting with you at night on the phone before i go to bed.
i'm used to you cracking lame craps with me on the phone.
i was waiting for ur call last night & hoping my phone will rang.
but it didn't happened.
i misses ur care & concern for me.
i really misses u calling me dear on the phone.
i know i'm jus being stupid, cus all this things will never ever happen again.
right?.

though our relationship is short, but i really did put effort into it.
i really 放不下.
i want you & still need you.
will you still be there for me again?
will there still be changes between us?
i know i still can't change you, no matter how much i try to.
you will still be the same.

its raining now, & my heart is raining too.
was hopinq u could send me a msq to ask me to take care like what u use to do.
but the msq i received asking me to take care wasn't u, but someone else.
i'm looking out the window now, crying all alone.
how i wish you are right here by my side now to give me a warm hug.
i know its impossible.
i'm just thinking too much.

thanks for once showered me with your love.
thanks for once lovinq me.
remember if one day u've change ur mind, remember my door will still be opened for you.


iloveyou(:

183club - 感情线

我想我已开始有点疑惑
好像被她说中些什么
难道已经没有别的选择
只能乖乖的束手就策
难过的是我们做了选择
是对是错 谁也没把握
如果要我放手才能获得
为何在我心中又舍不得
看着你要走 还装着笑容
掩饰的脆弱要撑多久
如果现在开口 如何挽留
感情这条线 注定只能这么远
不敢相信已经来到昨天
想你爱他必定多一些
我们之间不可能再回到从前
我还傻傻画着幸福线
看着你走远
还继续装笑脸
掩视沉默我能撑多久
如果现在开口 怎么挽留
感情这条线 注定无法延长一点
你已不再而我何时才清醒
相信一切都是命
不曾放弃你 我不会说什么
默默地承受想人的自豪
看着你要走 还装着笑容
掩饰的脆弱要撑多久
如果现在开口 如何挽留
感情这条线 注定只能这么远
看着你要走 还装着笑容
掩饰的脆弱要撑多久
如果现在开口 如何挽留
感情这条线 注定只能这么远

this songs simply suits my feeling im havinq right now.

leave me alone, i don't need anybody.
jus let me cry to death.

Good bye my love.
you'll always be missed.